Then, of course, there was another type of darshan.
One day in the early sixties, Babaji came out of his room and he looked like Hanuman. I had heard from so many devotees that Babaji was an incarnation of Hanuman, but Didi and I still had our doubts.
The next day, Maharajji asked Didi to scratch his back. She found his body to be so bulky, so big, that she was actually perspiring while trying to reach her hand across his back.
In 1968, Didi did not go to Kainchi during the summer; she was in Allahabad with her mother, so I came alone. It was the day of the June fifteenth bhandara, the anniversary of the inauguration of the ashram.
After taking his food, Maharajji went around the ashram checking on all the activity and visitors. Afterward he went to the river side and sat on the wall.
He talked about an old devotee from Unnao: "He is an old man now, but people say he was the leader of the dacoits, taking money from the rich and distributing it to the poor. He defended the helpless although he terrorized stronger people. He used to carry two revolvers, one licensed, the other not. I told him that he should surrender one. He read the Ramayana very well. He used to read it for me, "
Then I. C. Tewari, an old devotee who has since died, said, "He's the person whom Babaji once asked to read the Ramayana. When he asked, 'Baba, wherefrom shall I read?' Baba said, 'Read from the part where I am talking to Vibishan'. "
After that we were walking around and Babaji caught hold of my hand. When he did that I would sometimes experience such a heavy pressure that I felt my hand would break. He was leaning so heavily on me, I was afraid that if I fell down, he would also. It was early afternoon and we came before the mandir where many people were sitting. Babaji sat before the Shiva temple, my hand locked in his. He said, "Baitho, baitho" [Sit, sit.] I wanted to extricate myself, but could not.
There were a number of persons whom I knew sitting there - Brindavan Baba (the old Hariakhan Baba's successor) and many others. Now I was feeling as if I were suffocating, as if my breathing were coming to an end. My hand was so tight in his grip that there was no question of getting free. Then I saw, not Babaji, but a huge monkey sitting there, long golden hair over the whole body, the face black, the tail tucked under the legs. I saw it clearly. I closed my eyes, but still I saw it. After that, I don't know what happened.
At ten o'clock that night, I found myself sitting alone down by the farm. Purnanand, from the tea shop, came and said, "Dada, here you are. We have been searching for you all evening" He took me back to the ashram.
Babaji had not gone inside his room yet; he was sitting on a cot and many devotees were around him. As soon as we came across the bridge and near the temple, somebody said, "Baba, Dada has come' " He just said, "Accha, thik hai " [Very good.] There was nothing to take notice of, nothing to be excited about. I was feeling very depressed. I didn't want to talk; I just wanted to be alone and go to bed.
The next day Guru Datt Sharma and Siddhi Didi and others kept asking me what had happened. They told me that we had been sitting there in front of the Shiva temple, surrounded by many people, when suddenly we were both missing. Then Baba and I were seen walking on the top of the hill. An hour or two later, Baba returned alone. I knew what I had seen-that it was actually Hanuman. It was not a dream, not a mistake. How the time passed, I do not have any recollection.
The next day the normal routine started again. On the third day, I was alone with Babaji in his room. I said, "Now look here, Baba. I am not interested in your miracles. I have had enough. I know you are Baba and that is all I need"
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