A Sincere Prayer Answered Immediately

As I typed this, it is the 11th of May, Tuesday 2021. The last few days or months have been rather challenging for me and humanity as a whole. The pandemic and lockdowns take its toll on human mental health. Also, I had to leave the nature filled state of Goa and come to Bangalore to stay in a crowded city with my dad and nurse him through a double attack of typhoid and Covid, thankfully he's healed now. However, my last dream darshan of Maharaj Ji was around the time in March where he appeared and blessed me with his grace. My faith in him hasn't wavered, but just like the occasional rainy day in every summer, I've had moments of doubt. Usually when I feel doubt I take it as a sign and fall asleep.

However, since I undertook the process of writing this book, I've been extensively reading and researching and getting into the bhakti state and consciously overcoming the lifelong feelings of unworthiness and doubt so that I can provide this text to the world. My intentions at the core are pure but sometimes I wonder if they're pure enough as in I ask myself why I'm doing this? Ifl'm thinking about the money the book will make if it sells well, the connections and the adoration I get, or is it truly because of my love for Maharajji? Well, the answer I suppose is a combination of all of them. I can't avoid being human and having expectations. I haven't yet reached the state of 'Nishkama Karma' or the state of doing work without any attachment to the outcome, although sometimes when I'm typing these words I dissolve into the text and become one with the universe and all that exists.

However, the bond between the devotee and the guru 1s a very dynamic and reciprocated process and it is forever evolving. His love for me is unconditional, but depending on what state of mind I'm in and what food or substances I'm putting into my body and how much sleep I've had, my receptivity to his love changes in frequency. Sometimes I have thoughts like "Neem Das really? Is that your new name now? You're just gonna do whatever an old man says. Is this for real?" Well, those thoughts occur. And there's nothing I can do about it, I instantly speak to him and to his pictures and tell him "look Maharajji my mind is being strange" I can hear his celestial laughter from a distance sometimes.

Anyway, last night I'd overeaten (my main vice) and I'd consumed a small amount of cannabis hoping that it'll give me ideas but instead it gave me a headache and doubts and a strange feeling in my belly. I was ridden with doubts about the book and if I was worthy enough to write it, and if anyone's going to buy it or if really makes the difference to Maharajji and the whole string of paranoia attached to it, so just before I slept at around 3 am, I looked at one of his pictures and impulsively asked him with all my heart "boss can you please come into my dream? I could really use it now" and fell asleep immediately.

Now before I tell you what happened next, I need to explain to you that the lockdown mandates here at the moment state that we can't leave the house after 10 am, and since I've been staying up late nights putting this book together word by word into the late nights, the Pooja table has been missing flowers and offerings due to me waking up afternoon. Also psychologically I'd lost the spark of life and the sense of enthusiasm and that I usually have in terms of devotion and this sense of dread and hopelessness had subconsciously set in about the future of the world and my role in it. Maharajji was also gracious enough to put together a small group of wonderful individuals from all across the planet through my Patreon page in the form of a Satsang for us and we'd been facing constant difficulties and drifts amongst us as a result of everything that was going on in the planet. So he decided to take things into his own hands and answered my sleepy prayer! At sunrise today, Maharajji came into my dream plane and had a strange annoyed yet beautiful look on his face and woke me up just in time to buy flowers and fruits for the Pooja table. I feel like I've just been touched by an angel and spent the entire morning in bliss and typing this out as I'm basking in this afterglow. Also, I have to mention to you, in the name of investigative journalism I've been consciously doubting him being an incarnation of Hanuman so that I can come up with more interesting theories, but he decided to give me a dream darshan on Tuesday, which is the day of the week attributed to Hanuman. This is awesome.

I have heard that even when he was in his physical body he would often do something or speak to one person in a certain way, while in fact it was someone else in the surroundings who would reap the benefit, and everyone there took something different from the Lila. What is he trying to say to us? His devotees? Or is he reaching out to his prospective future devotees? Only the hearts of the beholders will know. For me, this was all that I needed to reboot the freshness of my faith and keep me going for a long time on the Maharajji Express Railways. Choo choo...

If I really look at the situation without the sense of doubt, I can see why he feels free to enter and exit my dream plane and create in my reality, I think it's because without a single fragment of reservation or resistance, I've gladly handed over the keys of my body, life, soul and incarnation to him, he feels free to navigate through them and do as he pleases. For me, honestly, this union with him is the tunnel itself and the light at the end of the tunnel simultaneously.

Maharajji is the ticket and lottery, the setup and the punchline, the beginning, the intermission and the climax of the film. I feel so very high!

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